Mother’s Day a ‘complicated’ holiday for many

Mother’s Day is often associated with flower deliveries and brunch reservations, but for many the day can lead to complicated emotions.

Megan Sheldon is an end-of-life doula and celebrant and the co-founder of Be Ceremonial.

She explains that for many, the holiday can be a painful reminder of grief, loss, estrangement and infertility.

"You might have lost your mom, you might have lost your child or your pregnancy,” she says. “Mother’s Day can often bring up for people that gut punch, that reminder that you don’t have a mom or are trying to become a mom.”

Have a range of difficult emotions on the annual holiday is something she says is normal for a lot of people. And it's something she's familiar with through her own experience.

"I found out I was pregnant for the first time on Mother's Day and I thought, 'How perfect how wonderful.' Then, five weeks later when we miscarried. I knew that Mother's Day would hold these complicated relationships for me."

Her experience led her to co-create Be Ceremonial, an online platform helping people create ceremonies to honour a wide-range of experiences

“We often come with this idea that we need ceremony around grief and death and loss but there are so many moments throughout our year and life that we can acknowledge through ceremony,” she says.

In addition to Mother’s Day, she says birthdays and anniversaries can also be triggering.

“We were told a story about grief, that it follows these neat and tidy stages and then it’s over. I think what we’ve learned to realize that grief is messy and comes in all shapes and sizes.”

The difficult days leading up to Sunday’s holiday is the reason Vessi, a B.C. shoe company, offers a new "opt out" option to email subscribers.

“We just really wanted to be respectful and make sure that we give people the opportunity to opt out of Mother's Day content, just to give them some breathing room during this time of year,” said Mikaelle Go, Vessi's co-founder and chief brand officer of Vessi.

In North Vancouver, the principal of Cleveland Elementary School is looking at approaching upcoming holidays differently.

"What we're doing is being very thoughtful with those activities, such as Mother’s Day or Father’s Day cards and how much we scaffold the wording in our classroom to honour anybody in your life,” said Joe Campbell the principal.

He highlights that the move is not towards cancelling the holiday, but an effort to be more sensitive.

"How do we make sure that what we're doing in a classroom isn't inadvertently make someone feel on the outside, not accepted?" he explains.

As the holiday approaches, Sheldon says it doesn’t have to be a day to dread and instead can be one to prepare for and mark uniquely. Some tips she offers is to plan self-care activities or to lean on and gather with people who share similar experiences.