Bedford, N.S., church hosts annual Christmas service for people dealing with grief

First at Five: Not So Merry First at Five looks at ways to cope with grief over the holidays.

For roughly 30 years, the Bedford United Church in Nova Scotia has put on their annual Longest Night Service for anyone who isn't feeling joy this holiday season.

"Since the pandemic I've actually found that it's not just grief and loss of a loved one or a relationship, it can actually just be your regular worries, how you are going to pay the bills and stretch things this year. A lot of people feel the expectation of what they need to be this time of year,” says Rev. Beth Hayward, lead minister at the church.

The doors opened at 6:30 p.m. Thursday.

"This is an ancient spiritual practice and the labyrinth that we use comes from the Celtic tradition,” says Rev. Katie Aven, congregational minister for the church. “It’s really about taking an inward journey to a still place, to a place of wholeness and taking the journey back out again.”

The official service started at 7 p.m. and ran for an hour with time to chat and have treats afterwards.

"There's going to be music, there's going to be readings, there's going be some singing, there are going to be candles you can light if you wish to and there are going to be quiet spaces and it's going to last about 45 minutes to an hour,” says Aven.

The service means a lot to Natalie Moyes, especially after losing loved ones this year. She says Christmas will look a little different.

"I have fought with a seasonal dysfunction disorder for a long time and so this time of year to begin with, let alone adding all the expectations on Christmas. And over the last five or six years I have added some grief to that,” says Moyes.

Moyes lost three important people in her life over the past five years. The most recent was her father this past May. Moyes says she carries many memories of him and Christmas just won’t be the same.

"One of my greatest pictures in my head right now is actually this pew right here with my mom in her wheelchair and my dad right beside her and they were singing Christmas carols. Yeah, that's going to be huge,” she says.

Registered counselling therapist Tara Field says this time of year is tough for many, especially those who have lost loved ones.

“The process is intensified, the process is challenging, and the process is a lot harder around this time of year when families get together,” says Field.

Moyes says the church is a tradition for her that offers great comfort.

"That pause will help me to bring all that needs to come to the surface, come to the surface and that will help,” says Moyes.

Field has a few suggestions to cope with grief during the holidays.

“Set realistic expectations or no expectations at all. If a tradition feels right for you and your family, do it, and if it doesn't feel right, don't do it,” Field says.

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