Madonna puts on a hell of a show, but you still wouldn’t want to be stuck in an elevator with her. Judging by last night’s events at Vancouver’s Rogers Arena, if Madonna ever hands you a microphone and asks you to sing, you better live up to her standards.
“You really don’t know the song,” she snapped after holding the mic in front of a befuddled fan midway through “Open Your Heart”, “Shame on you!”
In the heat of the moment it was pretty funny, but Madonna had clearly taken it personally. She continued her haranguing at the song’s conclusion.
“You’re wearing the t-shirt that says Open Your Heart. I hand you the mic and you don’t sing. What the f***?”
“Open Your Heart” morphed into “Sagarra Jo”, a Basque song about standing up against discrimination. The delicious irony was that at the song’s end Madonna gave a short but passionate speech about smashing prejudices, having eviscerated a lone fan in front of an entire arena only seconds earlier.
Of course, playing the uber-bitch is textbook Madonna, but she appeared to take the role to new levels last night throughout a concert containing a barrage of ideas veering from brilliant to barking mad.
She delivered a filling slice of controversy in opening trio “Girl Gone Wild”, “Revolver” and “Gang Bang”, compactly offending anyone sensitive about religious iconography or gun violence, although it was only when she unveiled “Papa Don’t Preach” that the majority of the crowd actually started dancing. “I Don’t Give A” was the real early highlight, Madonna grabbing a guitar and being joined by Nicki Minaj on the huge, crystal clear screens at the back of the stage.
“Express Yourself” was the first jaw-dropping production, Madonna and her incredible dancers emerging as a troupe of majorettes with an airborne marching band suspended from the rigging. Taking the opportunity to jab her biggest rival, Madonna illustrated her song’s similarity to Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” by singing the latter over her original, coldly labouring the point by repeating the line “She’s not me!”
For all Madonna’s (unfair) reputation as a terrible actress, she certainly came across as genuinely upset with her fans.
“You’re not pleasing me!” she howled at what she perceived to be a lukewarm response to “Holiday”. “Put some ass in it!
“It’s my show. I’ll sing what I want,” she snarled moments later, having sensed the disappointment that greeted the intro to “Masterpiece”, a dreary ballad that virtually screamed Bathroom Break.
All sins were forgiven as the set transformed into a runway for “Vogue”, a great pop song paired with a perfect production that saw dancers transformed into supermodels. The fashion theme continued through “Candy Shop” and “Human Nature”, the latter concluding with Madonna stripping down to her bra and pulling down her trousers to reveal her g-string clad bum cheeks, holding the pose long enough for everyone to whip out their phones and take a photo.
Having hoisted up her pants, Madonna turned “Like A Virgin” into an Edith Piaf-style torch song, an interesting option that descended into unintentional comedy as she writhed on top of a piano.
“I’m A Sinner” was more successful, Madonna riding on top of a train along with four Parkour runners risking their necks. The choir accompanying “Like A Prayer” was relatively understated but still stood out as a pop masterpiece, which led into the big finish of “Celebration”, an electro-house stomper that allowed Madonna to eliminate any doubt that she still has the moves, and the cardio-vascular fitness, to dance as well as any of her rivals.
She descended off stage for the final time with a curt “I’ve had enough of this shit”. No goodbyes. No thank yous.
Arguably the best production and choreography to ever grace a Vancouver stage, the self-described Queen remains icily distant on her self-imposed pop pedestal. It’s entertaining to look at, but it certainly looks cold up there.
Madonna plays Rogers Arena tonight.
