Well-meaning parents who hover over their children have swept down on B.C. college and university campuses to save them from life’s problems, but educators say the so-called helicopter parents are often doing more harm than good.
At Simon Fraser University, there are now separate orientations just for parents. The sessions not only help parents get their children ready for post-secondary life, they also prepare those parents for the fact their kids will be more independent.
Student advisor Stephen Price said while parents want to have a hands-on approach to their children’s education, it’s important that there’s a balance.
“[The] challenge for the university is to figure out how we can best support the student and how we can also support the parent who often is paying for the students’ education,” he told CTV News.
Price recalled one session where a parent dominated the session and did all the talking on behalf of their child.
"[They said] we’re interested in going to medical school. We're not sure how to get in. We're not sure if we have the grades. Can you help us get into medical school?” he said.
One SFU student who spoke to CTV’s Nafeesa Karim, but didn’t want to give his name, said his parents picked his classes, hired tutors and kept him on a homework schedule. Another spoke of frequent and unwelcome visits from parents to the dorms.
Dr. Kris Bulcroft, President of Capilano University, said many parents don’t understand there are limits that shouldn’t be crossed when it comes to their education.
Bulcroft said the mother of a young student who had difficulty registering for courses felt entitled to see her.
“I wasn't part of the registration process,” Bulcroft said. “I was here working and he and his mother appeared at the doorstep and she very much wanted to talk to the president.”
Research from the University of Mary Washington found that helicopter parenting can leave college-aged students feeling incompetent and even depressed.
Researcher Dr. Holly Schiffrin said often parents are using a strategy that worked well when their child was younger and not realizing the strategy needs to change as they get older.
Some researchers believe the trend of helicopter parenting is growing because the modern family unit is shrinking. With fewer children to deal with, parents have much more invested in the success of their kids.
Dr. Bulcroft said the parents she sees are sincerely well intended, if not slightly misguided.
The seasoned educator said parents might want to consider a different kind of lesson.
“Sometimes the best thing a parent can do is permit a son or a daughter to fail. Because failure is one of the best teachers,” she said.
With a report from CTV British Columbia's Nafeesa Karim
